


Shattered Hope

by captainamergirl



Series: Whatta Year (2017) [3]
Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29013588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainamergirl/pseuds/captainamergirl
Summary: A grieving Nicole visits the cemetery to feel close to the children she's lost.
Series: Whatta Year (2017) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1420255





	Shattered Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot features Nicole & (surprisingly) her sister Taylor. It's a spin-off of the 1/5/17 episode of Days. At that time, Chloe was in a coma and Nancy was still keeping the secret that Nicole is Holly's real mother. I have included a little dialogue from the episode to help set the scene. Thanks for reading! This is a sad one. Feedback, please.

__

_Nicole: [holding Holly] You are the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. And I can't believe I'm not gonna see you every day. [Chuckles] Oh, gosh, I want to be there to see your first smile and to hear your first word. But I promise... I will be here every day to check on your mommy. And I will come visit you in Chicago. That is if your grandma lets me. I don't know. She seems threatened that I feel so close to you. I guess she's just possessive of you. But I delivered you and I named you. And I'm entitled to feel a bond to you, right? [Sighs] Oh, my God._

_Nancy: [was listening to Nicole talk to the baby] Nicole? I need to tell you something, sweetheart._

_Deimos: [walks in] Ladies?_

_Nancy: [frowning and clamming up] I have to go. I'll be in touch, Nicole._

_Deimos: Nancy, wait._

_Nicole: Nancy. Nancy, don't run out like this! Nan-_

_Deimos: Nicole, I know how hard this is for you to say good-bye to Holly. But you're gonna see her again soon, okay?_

_Nicole: No, I won't. Nancy is taking her away, at least until Chloe comes out of her coma. She's taking Holly to Chloe's place in Chicago. Oh, yeah, she said I can visit, but I have to call first, which actually means I'm not welcome._

_Deimos: Well, maybe she just needs some time, you know, to work things out._

_Nicole: What? Did you see the way she ran out of here? Nancy is afraid that I've become too attached to Holly. And the awful truth is, she's right. I never got a chance to hold my two babies, and that's why I feel so strongly about Holly. And, I mean, I may never- I may never see that sweet little angel again, and it's killing me. I just-_

_Deimos: Look at me. Look at me. You will, my love. I promise you. You will._

_Nicole: [Crying] I hope so._

_Deimos: Come here._

_Nicole: [Crying]_

* * *

**Shattered Hope**

Nicole hugged the teddy bear tightly to her chest as her whole body shook with sobs. She hurt so badly. Her babies were gone. She never got to cradle them to her chest, or feed them, or count their tiny fingers and toes. She didn't even get to say the briefest of goodbyes.

And now Holly was leaving her too. Nancy was taking the baby away because she said Nicole was too attached to her. Maybe Nicole was, in all honesty, but how could she not feel drawn to the sweet child she had helped deliver? Holly was born into her hands. Nicole felt her take her very first breath, heard her first little cries, stared into her dewy, beautiful blue eyes before anyone else. Nicole had even named her. She couldn't imagine her life without Holly in it. She didn't _want_ to.

Nicole couldn't have said how long she cried. The sun was growing ever higher in the sky as she rocked back and forth, back and forth, on her knees. She wanted to lie down on her son's grave and never get up again. She wanted to die; to be with him and his sister. She needed her babies. She needed them so much.

Through the haze of her turmoil and grief, she suddenly heard a noise behind her. She jerked her head up in surprise. It sounded like footsteps crunching over twigs. She whirled around instinctively. Right in time to see a long veil of dark blonde hair whipping past her. She was confused because she felt sure she would know that hair and that slight figure anywhere.

_"Ta-Taylor?"_ She choked out in a low, throaty rasp. Louder, "Taylor, is that you?"

Nicole gingerly set the little teddy bear down by the headstone, told her son she would be right back, and rose up on wildly shaking legs. She followed after the familiar woman who was already halfway down the slope by then.

_"Taylor!"_ She shrieked. "Taylor, wait! Dammit, will you wait up?"

Nicole started down the hill on three-inch heels that wobbled wildly beneath her. "Taylor, come on. Will you slow the hell down?" She shouted, and then added weakly, "Please."

The other woman finally slowed to a stop. "Taylor, what - what are you doing here?" Nicole asked as she reached her sister.

Taylor slowly pivoted in Nicole's direction. "Hey, Nikki," she murmured. Her lips were pinched together and her cheeks flushed pink.

Nicole stared at her sister. She couldn't figure out what she was doing here, back in Salem after all this time. Taylor had split town years before with that freak Quinn and never looked back. "I said, what are you doing here?" Nicole asked.

Taylor looked at the tops of her Converse shoes and then at her hands before meeting Nicole's eyes. "I came to visit Mom on her birthday."

Nicole's eyes went impossibly wide in her face. "It's Mom's birthday? No, no. It can't be. It's only January... " She counted the days on her fingers and then smacked her hand to her lips. Jesus, Taylor was right. It was their mother's birthday! Nicole had been so wrapped up in her own melodrama that she had completely forgotten.

"Ohmigod," Nicole said. "You're right. I - I … forgot. There is a lot going on, but what kind of daughter just forgets her mother's birthday?"

"Nicole, Mom would understand," Taylor said gently.

"Well, I don't understand it," Nicole said. "I didn't bring her a rose or anything. I - It never even occurred to me to stop and visit her grave today. I am an awful person."

"No, you're not."

"No, I am." Nicole swiped at her eyelashes. "Dammit." She sighed and crossed her arms. "Why did you run away when I called out to you?"

Taylor seemed to shrink about two inches. "I - I don't know." She played with the long sleeves of her white blouse. "I guess… I just didn't think you'd want to see me. I panicked." She sighed softly. "I heard your cries clear across the cemetery and I came to check on you. I wanted to say something, but you were so upset and I didn't want to make things worse. I thought you had enough going on without having to see me; the sister who has done nothing but complicate your life."

Nicole shook her head. She didn't immediately know how to respond to that. So many emotions were rushing through her all at once - anger, dismay, sadness, frustration; to name but a few. "Well," she finally said, "you could have least called to say you were in town."

"I didn't think you'd want to see me."

"You should have let me decide what I wanted," Nicole said. She squeezed her arms tighter around herself.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh yeah, I'm so sure. I mean you were - _what?_ What were you going to do? Just sneak in and out of town without me ever being the wiser?" She studied Taylor's guilty expression. _"You were!_ You were going to slip away like a thief in the night! Damn, that's cold, Taylor. Have you done this kind of thing before?"

Taylor rubbed her cheek; looked at her feet again. "Honestly, yes. I've come here every year on Mom's birthday since she passed away." Her voice was painfully soft. She at least had the grace to look ashamed by her admission.

Nicole wasn't sure if she should rail at her sister or just slap her hard across the face. She settled for barking out, "You're such a bitch, Taylor, you know that!"

"Nicole," Taylor winced. "I didn't think you'd want to see me."

"Yeah, yeah I know. You keep saying that."

"After what happened -" Taylor shifted from foot to foot - "with EJ…"

Nicole pressed a hand to her forehead. It suddenly ached too; just like every other part of her. "EJ's dead."

"I know. I read about it in the newspaper after it happened," Taylor said. "I am sorry. I know you loved him."

"Once upon a time, yes, I did. He was a big part of my life. He gave me two children … The same dead children I was up that hill visiting just now."

"I heard. God, I'm -"

Nicole shook her head. Her heart was breaking all over again and all she could do was lash out. She wanted Taylor to feel some of the pain she felt every waking minute. "Don't say you're sorry! Don't you dare! We both know you don't mean it. If you really cared about what I was going through, you would have picked up the damn phone and called me when I lost my son. You didn't when I miscarried either. Even after, when you popped up in town, you never said a word about the baby I had lost. You sure as hell didn't send me a card or offer any condolences. What the hell, Taylor? What the hell is wrong with you? Or is it me? Am I that horrible? Do you really hate me that much?"

"No, Nicole, _no!"_ Taylor cried. Her eyes were murky with tears. "God, I don't hate you at all. I resented you, yes, okay. I admit that. You were always this amazing, beautiful, vivacious woman, and I felt so plain in comparison; so forgotten. But I could never hate you - you're my sister. We have the same blood running through our veins, for God's sake."

"That obviously doesn't mean much to you."

"I was so ashamed of what I did with EJ; how I betrayed you. I knew I had torched the bridge you were trying so hard to build between us. I thought it was better if I just stayed far away. And you had Brandon. You had friends and a life that didn't include me. I didn't feel right about infringing."

A tear fell down Nicole's cheek. When would she stop crying? Would that ever happen now? "Yes, I had Brandon's phone calls and letters, and I had friends, and men - lots of men - to keep me company. I have Deimos now, but … Dammit, Taylor!" She cried. "Sometimes there's no substitute for a sister. I needed my sister so many times, and you weren't there. Where were you when I needed a sister? Where?"

Tears rolled down Taylor's face to match Nicole's. "Nicole, I had no idea you wanted me around."

"I _needed_ you around," Nicole said. "I needed my sister and you - you stayed away. You snuck in and out of town under the cover of darkness just to avoid me."

"I was so ashamed …"

"So your wounded pride and shame were deeper than anything you've ever felt for me."

"Oh, Nikki, that's not true," Taylor wept. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought that staying away from you… I thought that's what you wanted."

"You made a hell of a lot of assumptions, Taylor. And you know what they say about those."

Taylor nodded mutely. Nicole scuffed her heels against the hard ground. "God, I needed a sister. I needed an _anchor,_ Taylor. I've been trying so hard just to put one foot in front of the other and I could have used you at my side, bolstering me up. Maybe I was asking too much."

"No, Nicole, it's not. If I had known… If I had only guessed…"

"Do you really think I really care if I lost a cheating man? No, I care that I lost my fiance Daniel, and my - my children. I care that I lost my sister." Her voice was hoarse and her throat ached from the shouting and the crying. "I care that you think I'm some unfeeling witch who-"

"I don't!"

Nicole sighed. "It doesn't matter now," she lied. "Just finish up your visit or whatever with Mom and hop back on the next plane to wherever the hell you came from. Have a nice life, Taylor."

"Nicole! Wait. _Please,"_ Taylor pleaded. "Please don't go away angry."

"How can I not? You hurt me, Taylor, and not because you slept with my no-good husband. You hurt me because when I needed you, you were nowhere to be found. But you're right. Obviously, we do need to keep our distance from each other because all we do is misunderstand and judge one another. Have a nice life," she spat.

She started to spin away when Taylor was suddenly reaching for her arm. Nicole tried to tug free of her grasp, but Taylor held on with surprising strength. "Wait, Nicole. Please don't go away angry."

"I am angry!" Nicole returned. "No, I am way past angry. I'm hurt, and I'm just … I needed you, Taylor, and you didn't come for me!"

"I know. I know! I was so wrong in every way… Please forgive me."

"I don't know if I can."

Taylor nodded solemnly. "I understand, but maybe … Maybe you can let me be there for you the way I wasn't before. The way I should have been all along."

"I don't trust you, Taylor. Every word coming out of your mouth sounds hollow." She looked down at Taylor's fingers curled around her arm. "Damn you," she whispered hoarsely. "Damn you, but I do - I do need you right now. I've lost everyone else. I don't want to lose you too, even if I never really had you in my life, to begin with."

Taylor dabbed at her own teary cheeks. "Let me try to be there for you, okay? We can visit Mom's grave together, wish her a happy birthday… Then maybe you can introduce me to your little ones. What do you say?"

Nicole sighed softly. "Okay," she agreed. "I am not sure I can trust you not to run off the first chance my back is turned but I'm just desperate enough to take whatever I can get from you right now."

"Thanks for giving me another chance, Nikki. I'd like the chance to be there for you now; to try to make things right between us. We'll take things one day at a time. How does that sound?"

Nicole nodded. "One day at a time. I can try that, I guess." She looked at her sister. "Come on. Let's go say 'hello' to Mom and then I'll take you to - to my son's grave," she said softly. "And if you stay long enough, I'd like to tell you about this special little girl named Holly."

"Holly, huh?" Taylor mused. "I would love to hear about her." She tucked her hand in the crook of Nicole's arm and together, they started to climb back up the hill.

**THE END.**


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